It's so pleasant to have a secret love affair alone

In the past, having sex with oneself was called masturbation, which were not positive adjectives. Later, somehow, masturbation and self-abuse became self-comfort, but this word still has a sour taste of "no one to comfort me, only myself". This negative view may be related to the fact that masturbation has long been unfairly criticized, but deep down, it may be a very positive thing.

Is sex a male monopoly?

Sex is a man's privilege and a taboo for women. This is not a cliché we made up in order to victimize ourselves (to gain sympathy). Just a few weeks ago, the intellectual program produced by a mainstream TV station talked about the sexual development process of teenagers. Boys still started masturbating and having wet dreams, while girls just started menstruating. The message here is clear: boys start to enjoy sex, girls start to prepare for childbirth, and the only thing women have to do with sex is childbirth.

Women’s sexuality is denied. For example, the laws enacted during the Victorian era in the United Kingdom to punish homosexual acts only included men, because people at the time believed that women were not sexual subjects, like a plastic Barbie doll, who generally had no sex (organs, needs, behaviors, etc.). To put it bluntly, the function of a teacup is to hold tea poured from a teapot. Without the teapot (male, subject), the teacup (female, object) would never be able to fill itself up (get sex). A woman needs to be penetrated by a man for sexual intercourse to occur. It is clear who is the host and who is the guest.

According to the above theory, doing it by yourself is a great thing for women, because women, like men, can enjoy sex with or without a sexual partner, and become a teacup that is capable of overflowing at any time. I heard that there are some people in foreign countries who call themselves Asexual, and their sexual choice is: they can fall in love with anyone, but only have sex with themselves!

Rejection

In fact, theory aside, many women seek sexual pleasure in secret, and for them, masturbation has multiple and contradictory meanings. Chloe, a 25-year-old interviewee, described this contradiction. She believes that masturbation is a manifestation of narcissism. She tells herself rationally that there is no good or bad in it, but in reality she feels it is something that she is ashamed to talk about. When you read her questionnaire again in detail, you will understand why she has this contradiction. While she was enjoying the pleasure and excitement of masturbation, she was also a little nervous, afraid of being discovered and lacking a sense of security.

It is no wonder that Chloe lacks a sense of security. Although 29-year-old Michele knows what it is and has a practical need, she has never had the opportunity to put it into practice because she lives with her family in a small unit in a public housing estate and her private space is just the upper compartment of the bunk bed. However, Melissa, who is 23 years old and once lived in a public housing estate, still has her own way of doing what she wants to do in a small space, but she is reluctant to go into details.

Judy, 41, feels guilty because she thinks sex should be enjoyed with a partner and should not be done by oneself; love and desire are only fun when shared with others. There is actually a sense of necessity in the joy...because the feeling is too impure, it is a kind of compensation. But 23-year-old Sisi thinks it is dispensable because she has never been successful.

However, the other half of the respondents had a positive attitude towards masturbation. Acao, who is also 23 years old, believes that masturbation can help her understand and appreciate her body, which is something every woman should do. In fact, she did feel guilty at first because she was young and ignorant and thought that this was something she had to do every day, so she felt that she was going too far and too hedonistic.

Christine, 25, and Daisy, 34, both think masturbation is a normal behavior. Daisy felt a little guilty at first because she thought she was slutty, but later she felt relieved when she found that she could control everything. Christine thought it was just like getting food when you are hungry, but although it feels good and she is really doing something for herself, she is completely in her own world and her body and mind are balanced, so she would rather do it in person. Daisy thinks that her own orgasm is more complete than that with others because she can control the movement.

Twenty-eight-year-old Jimmie and thirty-two-year-old Bubu even define masturbation as a human necessity and one of the sexual behavior options.

Food and sex

In some books about masturbation, people who have experienced it believe that masturbation is a good way to relieve stress. Ah Cao and Melissa have similar experiences. When they can't fall asleep or are in a bad mood, or even depressed, they will think of masturbating. In Ah Cao's words, it is to please themselves. According to her description, lust usually comes from some sudden images. Once when she saw a photo on the inside of a CD, it was just a photo of her leaning against a burning piano with her back to the camera, but she suddenly had a strong sexual feeling. But usually, lust begins from looking at herself in the mirror and feeling her own beauty.

The sudden appearance of sexual desire, but the desire to be close to someone who is not around, seems to be an important inducement to masturbation. Chloe gave a vivid description of this situation: When a person is alone and longs for someone's hug, caress and care, especially when lying comfortably in bed, his mind is wandering.

For Bu Bu, this is a routine. Due to the menstrual cycle, women also have days every month when their sexual needs are particularly strong, usually after the menstrual period, when they feel the freshest.

The most interesting experience is Daisy's. She said that when she was very young and didn't know anything about sex, she had read pornographic magazines. Due to the physiological reaction, she naturally clamped a pillow between her legs when she slept and got pleasure from the friction. However, the eternal designated action: night, alone, before going to bed, body leaning to the left, and then...

Pornographic videos, publications, pictures and sexual fantasies are good tools used by most respondents to help them masturbate. On the contrary, fewer people use physical tools such as sex toys, except for pillows of course. Most people don't care much about how to have sex with themselves. Jimmie said that it's best not to do it on the street. Chloe must be alone in a space. Christine and Cao are more particular. The former thinks "it's best to lie on the bed, with soft music and a moderate temperature. No clothes, because I like to sleep naked! The latter depends on her mood. When she is in a good mood, she will wear a long shirt and unbutton a few buttons. It is very different from the plot of pornographic movies. Most interviewees don't like the insertion method of masturbation. Chloe likes to touch herself; Christine is clearer, "gently touching the outside, not inserting into the body like imitating a man is the best way"; Cao is the same, usually using fingers, but has also tried baseball-shaped keychains, but rarely inserting. Melissa must use some small hard objects the size of a finger, while Bubu only likes to use her fingers to gently touch the clitoris and labia through her underwear like tickling.

Intellectually Informed

In short, each interviewee has a different view on masturbation. Judy thinks that doing it too much will make people isolated, but Christine thinks that it has absolutely no bad effects and can actually enhance the sexual relationship with one’s partner! Because you will know what you want? "Acao believes that it can eliminate women's disgust towards themselves and sex.

Chloe still can't forget the "great self-blame" she felt when she first started masturbating, because when she was young, she didn't know what masturbation was, and she thought she had a physical problem or a special fetish, as if she had committed a crime. If everyone talks more about it and knows more, then many girls can grow up healthier and happier.