Six common mistakes married people make

It is not difficult to get married, but it is somewhat difficult to manage a good marriage. The American "WebMD" website invited two family therapists to jointly summarize six common mistakes in marriage life and provide relevant guidance.

Eager to please

It is a big mistake to be too accommodating to others and easily give up your own ideas, work and even life. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist in Denver, USA, said: "In marriage counseling, I have met many women who are worried that insisting on their own opinions will lead to quarrels or unhappiness. In order to maintain their marriage, they suppress their own ideas and pursuits to a minimum. In such a marriage, the relationship between the two parties is not equal, and problems may arise in the long run." In this regard, Dr. Heitler gave her advice: wives should express their concerns rationally, whether it is about housework, or feeling that they do not spend enough time with their husbands, or they do not have enough time for themselves. Heitler believed that whatever you do should be done to make two people happy, not to please one person alone.

Unclear expectations for marriage

Marriage and family therapist Dr. Eli Karam said that couples who work well together usually have clear expectations for married life at the beginning of their marriage, such as how to divide housework, have children, and how to manage finances. But many couples never have these discussions before marriage, and if expectations are different, resentment can easily develop. Dr. Kalam gave an example, saying that many couples divorce within one or two years after their children are born because they are unable to face and deal with the changes brought about by their children.

Speak with emotion

When a couple is talking, if one of them is emotional, it is easy to magnify the problem. Dr. Heitler said that if you have an opinion or concern, you should express it in a respectful way, rather than in a frustrated or angry tone. Try to communicate effectively with your significant other, but do so with the goal of finding solutions or workarounds, not just to vent your anger, which will only make a peaceful resolution more impossible.

One side nags while the other side is silent

Some wives will repeat their complaints or concerns to their husbands several times in the hope of getting his attention. Men usually think of this as nagging. A vicious cycle can easily form - one party wants to talk, the other party keeps silent, so the speaker keeps talking and continues to exert pressure. Kalam suggests that if this happens frequently between couples, one partner should stop repeating the same thing over and over again and give the other person time to process the meaning of the words. In addition, in marriage life, we must acknowledge that some things cannot be changed, such as "you cannot turn a cautious person into an adventurer, or turn an introvert into an extrovert."

Put sex in a low position

Sex is the "glue" that brings couples closer together and enhances their feelings. Due to fatigue or other reasons, many couples gradually put sex on the back burner or simply become "sexless couples." Heitler and Karam believe that this is a serious mistake. Sex has a supreme position in marriage. Both parties need private intimate time every week and look forward to sex.

Ignore and cherish each other

When you are in love, even a small cold or fever, or missing a meal can make your lover heartbroken. But after marriage, both parties put more energy and attention on housework, work, and children, thus reducing their love and cherishment for their partner. In fact, some small caring gestures can greatly stabilize a marriage relationship, such as smiling, eye contact, hugging, and caressing.