Why are normal demands rejected?

Communicating your sexual needs with your significant other is extremely important in a relationship, yet it's difficult for most people to do so. Many of my clients have worked up the courage to express their needs in bed to their partners, only to find that their requests are often ignored. This situation is most likely caused by one of the following six reasons.

1. Bad timing

Many people like to say "I hope you will be more confident and courageous next time" after doing something. This strategy usually backfires. You know, talking about sex is difficult, and talking about sex right after sex is even more difficult. On the one hand, he is more vulnerable than usual at this moment, making him more likely to build up a defensive mentality and resist what you say. On the other hand, he may be in such a state of post-orgasmic bliss that he can't hear or understand what you are saying. My advice is: don’t talk about it in the bedroom, but choose to talk about it at other times when you are relaxing and having fun.

2. Inappropriate method

The best way is to make requests to your partner rather than command, cajole or pressure, otherwise you are likely to be rejected. Ask the other person more questions about their thoughts, such as "What do you think?"

3. He doesn’t understand what you want

You never command/cajole/pressure? That's good, but it's possible that you've gone to the other extreme - downplaying or blurring your needs, or otherwise acting like you don't care. It often happens that you think you have expressed yourself clearly, but your partner doesn't quite understand. So be direct!

Of course there is another possibility, that is, your partner is the kind of person who needs to know the specific details in order to do it well. In this case, on the one hand, you can try to describe the details as detailed as possible and ask him from time to time whether he understands; on the other hand, you can "lead by example" and demonstrate it to him personally.

4. Too much pressure

Some people don't like to explain their needs in detail to their partner because they think it takes away from the fun. Indeed, it would be a dream to have a partner who could magically intuitively know what you want and give it to you just right! But unfortunately, in the real world of sex, this is not possible. If you don't let your partner know your needs clearly, it will put a lot of pressure on him; because you are implicitly asking him to read your mind - read what you think and give you what you need. And we all know that it is impossible for normal people to do this.

5. You’re not doing enough on your own

If your significant other doesn't respond to your explicit request, you can look for the reason within yourself. Are you ignoring or disregarding his sexual needs? Are you giving enough in bed? When you make a request to your partner, it is actually the best time for a healthy interaction - you can ask about his needs and turn this conversation into a two-way exchange.

6. He really doesn’t want to

Ultimately, your sexual needs may be something your partner is not willing to do. If you want to know if he's willing, just ask him directly. But you have to remember that when it comes to the normal sexual needs of adults, there is no right or wrong, everyone just has different preferences.