A relationship between a man and a woman that is more dangerous than an affair

In the city, there is a kind of emotion circulating, saying that love is far from enough, but what is wanted is more than a kiss. Satisfy the body without involving the soul. Developing such a "sexual friendship" between men and women can bring happiness and save trouble. Will sexual friendship become a more constructive third type of relationship between men and women, in addition to simple friendship and solemn love? "In the days without love, instead of withering, it is better to find some happiness for yourself."

Clair, 27 years old, media manager at an advertising company

The city at midnight is chaotic and unpredictable. There are so many men and women like me who wear elegant masks during the day and live in various office buildings, but at this time they put on another face, which is filled with the freshest desires.

At the age of 27, I am experiencing the most embarrassing age. I can still make up a charming face in the mirror, but what I cannot hide is the loneliness in my eyes. I no longer have any expectations for the legendary love, but it seems that it is not something that one person can solve if I want to dispel the emptiness in my heart.

I was drunk when he walked towards me and couldn't see his face clearly, but the pleasant smell of perfume on him made me accept him. After a few more drinks, I heard myself saying to him, "Would you like to come to my place?"

His hands were warm. One hand was on the steering wheel, while the other was on my leg, stroking it gently.

I opened the door and turned on the light. The familiar fragrance made me sober up a little. This is my home.

Half a year ago, I used all my savings to buy myself this fashionable apartment near China World Trade Center. It’s not big, perfect for a single woman like me. A friend said that when a woman buys a house, it means she is announcing that she will not get married. I smiled and thought to myself, I really may not get married.

He hugged me, and his kiss was as comfortable and hard to resist as the smell of his body. It was the first time I had sex with a completely stranger, but I didn't feel abrupt or awkward at all. That night, I entangled with him like a passionate seductress.

The next morning, when he left, I observed him carefully and found that he was about 35 years old, with a well-maintained, gentle and fair face and a healthy and well-proportioned body. Maybe he didn't quite understand the rules of the "one-night stand" game, or maybe I left him with a unique impression, so when he left, he left his phone number and name.

Looking at the exquisitely printed card in my hand, I was in a trance for a moment, as if I was trying hard to merge the name on the card with the man in my bed last night.

I know that my life is still continuing on its original track. Actually, 27 is not an age where miracles are likely to happen. No greater miracle has ever happened in my life since my boyfriend of 6 years left without saying goodbye and went abroad with my best friend a year ago.

And this man will just be a passing visitor in my life.

I called him a month later. He obviously didn't expect me to contact him again, but he was very surprised and quickly said, I'll come to see you in the evening.

I was surprised to find that I had dressed up for my date that evening, wearing an expensive and sexy dress I had just bought and stocked my house with my favorite Israeli rose and red wine. Looking at everything that had been prepared, I even felt a little ashamed. For a man who had only had sex once, was it necessary to make it so grand? But I was still happy for myself. I hadn't felt this excited about a date for a long time. Ever since my friends and my lover left me, I have been living in gray, tormenting my soul day after day with the thought of their betrayal. What this man means to me is that he made me suddenly realize why a woman must only bloom for love. In the days without love, instead of withering, it is better to find some happiness for yourself and look forward to the next bloom in happiness.

My relationship with him was just about sex and simple communication. He had a good job, had just been divorced, and was the kind of man that people wouldn't hate. I can drink coffee and eat with him. He is considerate and cute, and has basic quality assurance. What's more important is that he is very satisfied with our relationship and won't push it too far. I don't have to worry about him getting angry with me. Such "sexual friendship" goes beyond simple friendship, but is not as grand as love. It sounds like a good idea to care for each other when needed while retaining each other's freedom, enjoying happiness and avoiding trouble.

"Adding sex to friendship is like adding sugar to coffee. It's like adding lactic acid to milk. It changes the taste completely and turns it into sour milk."

Tiffany, 29 years old, senior editor of a magazine

He and I have always adhered to a principle - we can't be friends in bed. The reason is actually very simple, because I like him and don't want to lose him.

He and I have been best friends for many years. Except for the fact that we can have sex harmoniously, everything else is in perfect harmony with each other. Seeing my boyfriend changing like a revolving lantern with no result, my friends around me think that he and I should naturally be a couple, but every time I have this idea, I feel nervous: love is made, and once we go to bed, the relationship will change immediately. If things go wrong, we can't even be just ordinary friends.

I am not a girl who graduated from a convent, so naturally I cannot suppress the desire for him in my heart, but every time I think of the previous "boyfriends" who had sex with me and in bed, I can't help feeling depressed. The relationship between men and women is like a vicious circle: they develop desire for each other due to unfamiliarity - then they become intimate - and then there are two situations: one is that they get tired of each other and leave immediately, and the other is that they stay together, then get tired of each other and leave. In either case, it's a breakup. Maybe my theory is a bit pessimistic, but many facts and lessons cannot help but make me believe it. "When Harry Met Sally", a man and a woman agreed to be friends, but something felt wrong as soon as they went to bed. Later, they couldn't be friends anymore, but they couldn't let it go, so they just became husband and wife. But this ending was not what I wanted.

Although I said before that he and I have a good understanding of everything, I have to admit that he is not the best choice to be a husband. He is so similar to me, playful and irresponsible. Just imagine that two people like this may be the best friends in the world, but if they were to be husband and wife, they would probably go their separate ways in a few days.

Although there are many friends around me who have perfected "sexual friendship", and I am not against this form, for me, I am completely unable to balance the relationship between "friendship" and "sex". It may be easier for men to separate sex and emotions because, in terms of physiological structure, the part of men that can cause trouble is hanging outside, while that of women is hidden inside the body. This means that women are destined to care more about their inner feelings than men. Sex is therefore not just about the body; it is always connected with the need for intimacy and emotional possession. Adding sex to friendship is like adding sugar to coffee, but it is like adding lactic acid bacteria to milk. It completely changes the taste and turns it into yogurt.

"The reason for making love is not necessarily for love. In front of true love, I will always be the purest lamb."

Purple, 26 years old, human resources manager of a foreign company

I lit a cigarette, curled up in the large sofa, and watched the movie "Intimacy" by the great French director Patrice Chéreau. In the story, two men and women who are both tired of their boring marriages make a sex-related agreement. They meet every Wednesday afternoon, make love passionately without saying a word, and other than that, they don't know who is who at all...

This story seems to be written about my peace.

We lived in the same apartment building, he was on the 15th floor and I was on the 18th, and we often ran into each other in the elevator. Every time we met, he would give me a smile, and I would respond to his greeting with my eyes. As if it was God's will, we met at the stairs that night when the elevator broke down. When we first talked, we were like a pair of old friends, chatting and laughing, and soon we climbed to the 15th floor together, but he insisted on walking me upstairs. When we reached the 18th floor, all words seemed to freeze suddenly. There was silence for a few seconds. I said, "Come in and take a rest," and he didn't refuse.

Everything happened so naturally. The firm muscles and powerful movements made me regain the long-lost feeling, and the night was no longer empty.

From then on, as long as we made an appointment, he would come up and spend the night with me anytime. We talked freely, got along very well, and then had sex.

He should be a very good man, but apart from knowing that his name is Ping and that he lives alone in an apartment on the 15th floor, he didn't tell me any other details and I didn't ask. I also didn't tell him my age, occupation, or that I had been silently waiting for the man I loved to divorce his wife and marry me.

Yes, in fact, I have always loved Tao in my heart - the man with a wife and children. When I met him, he had been separated from his wife for nearly a year. We fell in love at first sight, but I don't know why I pushed him away so firmly the moment he hugged me. I said, it is my principle not to get involved with married men. If you really love me, come back to me after you get divorced. Tao left silently. I don’t know how long I will wait, but I believe I will wait for him.

During this long period of time, I have been shutting myself off and working frantically, as if only in this way could I forget the torment of waiting and the long nights. It had been so long that I almost despaired of this expectation and began to hate myself for my increasingly impatient and unpredictable temper. Many friends advised me to find a boyfriend to balance my out-of-control hormones, but I always hoped that I could live up to the meaning of the word “boyfriend”.

Ping's appearance just found a way out for me. The feeling between him and me is not enough to say love, but what we want is more than a kiss. Our tacit "sexual friendship" is consensual, and we owe nothing to each other. In bed, you love me, and out of bed, you go west and I go east...

I told myself that this was not a blasphemy to Tao's feelings, because the reason for making love is not necessarily for love. In the face of true love, I will always be the purest lamb. Although the couple in Patrice Chahou's film "Intimacy" finally couldn't help themselves and wanted more from each other, I have enough common sense in real life to know that orgasm is not the clarion call for the arrival of love.