What kind of wives do men hate nowadays?

Recently, the reporter interviewed some married people on this issue. The reporter heard from the men their opinions on women in marriage, and from the women their many dissatisfactions with men. Starting from this week, this edition will publish related content in two consecutive issues. This week, we will first publish men’s ten opinions on women; next week, we will publish women’s ten dissatisfactions with men. Our purpose is to provide men and women in marriage with an opportunity to understand each other and reflect on themselves, so as to improve everyone's ability to manage their marriage. Everyone is welcome to call or write to tell your story, express your views, and enrich the content of this topic.

Opinion 1: Forcing the husband to become a dragon

Tianming is a doctoral student at a university in the north. After working hard at school for a semester, he couldn't wait to rush home, hoping to return to his wife as soon as possible and enjoy a warm and relaxing holiday. Unexpectedly, before the couple had even started talking for a few words, the wife began to persuade him patiently. She kept telling Tianming that someone's husband had recently received a full scholarship in the United States; someone's husband had become a doctoral supervisor; someone's husband had returned from studying for an MBA abroad and was being sought after by several foreign companies, with an annual salary of up to $80,000, etc. In order not to fall behind "someone's" husband, Tianming started studying hard the day she returned home, and did not go out of the house. I dare not implement all the vacation plans I had originally thought of. Before the holiday ended, Tianming said helplessly: "Although I have a seemingly bright future, I feel like a boat that has strayed from its course in the ocean and cannot find a safe harbor."

Expert comment: Obviously, women who have this idea often have a strong vanity, the so-called "the husband's honor and the wife's honor"; in addition, they often have a strong dependence mentality, the so-called "only vines entwine trees, not trees entwine vines". In order to satisfy their vanity and dependence, they do not hesitate to put all kinds of pressure on their husbands. Of course, there is nothing wrong with encouraging your husband to work hard, but if you create pressure without considering the actual situation, it may backfire. In a word: A woman who forces her husband to become successful is very stupid.

Opinion 2: Untidy

Mr. Li likes women who dress well and are well groomed, but his wife is increasingly disappointing him. Mr. Li said: My wife doesn’t know how to choose clothes according to her body shape, and she doesn’t know how to match colors. I gave her some advice, but she accused me of being a little man and being too controlling. Once, I joked that men all like beautiful women. Aren’t you worried that I would be seduced by others? Unexpectedly, my wife snorted conceitedly and continued to do her own thing. She always believed that her family conditions were better than mine, and that she "married" me despite her parents' opposition. She believed that her "righteous act" had "trapped" me, so she dared to live the life of a lazy old woman with peace of mind. Although I am not the kind of man who changes his mind frequently, when I see a well-dressed woman on the street, I always feel a little lost and sometimes even have impure thoughts.

Expert comment: There are many such women in China, especially after giving birth to children and gradually entering middle age. Such women often have the following psychological state: First, the "safe box" mentality, thinking that the "revolution" is over and they can relax and relax, so they dress casually and no longer pay attention to their appearance. The second is the mentality of laziness. It means no longer "strictly demanding oneself", and doing everything carelessly and just getting by. Everyone loves beauty. Do you think such a woman will not disappoint her husband? The husband may not say it, but he knows it in his heart. This is where the real danger lies. In a word: A woman who does not care about her appearance and is willing to be a shrew is too careless.

Opinion 3: Disregarding the husband’s dignity

Mr. Zhang said: "I am a man who has been oppressed by low wages and has no dignity. One day, I wanted to use the royalties I just received to treat my wife to a meal at a restaurant to save some self-esteem as a man. During the meal, I happened to meet two good friends, so I dared to invite them to dine at the same table. I didn't want to exceed the budget when settling the bill, and I didn't have enough money, so I had to borrow from my wife. The two friends laughed and said, does your family use the AA system? When she heard this, she was furious, pointed her jade finger at my heart and said, "Ask him how much he earns a month, can he afford the AA system?" After that, she walked away in anger.

Mr. Zhang finally said sadly: "Does a man have no dignity if he has no money? Why don't women understand that a man who lacks money but not dignity will always have the hope of prosperity; but a man who lacks money and loses dignity will always be poor and destitute. Does my wife want me to be destitute forever?"

Expert comment: You can ridicule a man for his ugly appearance, but you can never laugh at a man for his incompetence. Ability - the ability to make money and sexual ability - are the two major aspects of a man's dignity. Men who don't feel their dignity often give up on themselves and feel inferior. Therefore, a smart wife always tries her best to maintain her husband's dignity and encourages her husband to sail through the waves and regain his strength through all kinds of "sweet words" and "technical means". In a word: A woman who doesn’t know how to maintain her husband’s dignity is too ignorant.

Opinion 4: Love to compare and be vain

Mr. Li is a cadre at the division level. This year, on his father-in-law's 70th birthday, the eldest son-in-law, who is the general manager, gave him a high-end Rolex watch, and the second son-in-law, who runs his own company, gave him 10,000 yuan in cash, but Mr. Li's gift was only a mere 1,000 yuan. When Mr. Li’s wife saw this, she immediately looked unhappy. Mr. Li knew that she was feeling upset, so he quietly reached out from under the table to pull his wife's hand, but he was kicked by her with all her strength. Mr. Li said: "My wife is good in every way, except that she is too vain. For example, when her best friend bought a piano for her child, she would buy one for the family regardless of whether our son is interested in the piano or not. She must also have whatever jewelry is popular on the market. In recent years, she has also become obsessed with changing mobile phones. As a civil servant, it is really troublesome to have such a vain wife."

Expert comment: Some people describe women as a landscape of the city. Therefore, if women do not compete with each other and compete with each other for beauty, how can the scenery be "beautiful"? However, if you blindly compare with others without considering your own economic conditions, it would be too vain. This excessive vanity often causes mental tension and even overwhelm to men who are not "rich". In a word: Women who love to compare and are vain are too "horrible".

Opinion 5: Not considerate enough

Mr. Yuan complained that his wife was not considerate enough. He admitted that his wife cared about his daily life but not his spiritual feelings. Mr. Yuan, who was born as a cowherd, said that not long after his marriage, a close relative from his hometown came to their house and accidentally burned a hole in the carpet while smoking. His wife immediately flew into a rage, which made the guest extremely embarrassed. Afterwards, his wife still insisted and warned Mr. Yuan, saying, I’m telling you, from now on, no one who comes to your hometown is allowed to enter this door. As a result, their son is 5 years old and has never seen his grandparents. Mr. Yuan's parents suggested coming to the city to see their grandson before the Spring Festival, but he didn't dare to agree. He secretly wrote a long letter to his parents and sent them several hundred yuan, but his wife found out about it and they had another big fight.

Mr. Yuan said: "My reputation in my hometown has been completely ruined. My parents lost the respect of their fellow villagers while losing their son. Although I have repeatedly told my parents and relatives that I, who came from the red land, cannot sever my kinship with them, they do not believe me. Although I live in a high-rise building in a big city, have a lovely wife and a loving son, and seem to be very happy. But who knows the pain in my heart? In the dead of night, I often face the direction of my hometown and confess to my parents and fellow villagers to ease the guilt in my heart."

Expert comment: Lack of consideration is a common problem among those who consider themselves "good wives". Some wives complain about their husbands: I care about him and take good care of him, but why is he still not satisfied? But she may not know that she has intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or unconsciously, neglected or belittled her husband's relatives and friends, causing her husband's disgust. The union of a man and a woman is not just the interaction between two people, but also involves the interaction between different social relationships between the two people (such as relatives and friends). Ignoring this kind of social relationship will often deepen the feeling of being trapped in the "besieged city" of marriage and breed the desire to break out of the "besieged city". In a word: A woman who is not considerate is very pathetic.

Opinion 6: Ignore sex

Mr. Guo complained that his marriage was "sexually unhappy." He said that in the five years since they got married, his wife had never taken the initiative in sex, and every time they had sex, she seemed very reluctant, like a zombie. In order to inspire her, Mr. Guo would often find excuses to recommend some newspapers and magazines about sex knowledge to her, and even borrow relevant CDs to share with her, but she still looked like a zombie when she put them into practice. Mr. Guo said that now, he is not very willing to go home after get off work, and he is even more afraid to sleep in the same bed with his wife because this will strongly stimulate his desires. In order to escape from his normal psychological needs, he fell in love with alcoholism and mahjong.

Mr. Cheng and his wife are both government officials. He said: "We have been married for 13 years, that is, we had a normal married life in the two years after marriage and before marriage. After that, my wife became pregnant, and I gave up because I was worried about miscarriage." After the child was born, my mother-in-law came to help and occupied my bed, and I had no choice but to accept it. After my wife finished her confinement, I returned to my own bed, but she almost forgot I existed. In order to prevent my snoring from waking up the child, she even ordered me to move to the next room. The child slept with us until she was 6 years old, and then my wife made the painful decision to separate the bed, but she still had to go to sleep with our daughter every few days. Occasionally, when we had a reunion day, she was either tired or sick. Once, maybe because I pushed her too far, she blurted out her true feelings: The child is already so old, do you still want to do this? Now that family planning is in place, I can’t have another child, so we might as well save some energy to raise our daughter well, so I don’t have to worry when my period comes. "Mr. Cheng finally said distressedly: "I am a normal man and I have a complete family, but I cannot live the family life that a normal middle-aged man should have. When I feel sexually aroused, my wife sleeps next to me, but I have to stay hard. It's hard to describe how it feels. ”

Expert comment: Due to the influence of thousands of years of feudal thinking, most Chinese people are afraid to talk about sex, especially women whose sexual desires are suppressed. If they actively express sexual demands, they are regarded as "improper" and "whores." Correspondingly, they also see sex in marriage as something that they have to do in order to continue the family line and have children. This deviation in sexual concepts keeps them away from sexual pleasure and enjoyment, and results in a de facto separation of sex and love. Modern marriage should be a harmonious unity of sex and love. A harmonious sex life not only helps to deepen the love between couples, but also contributes to their physical and mental health.

Opinion 7: Lack of housewife awareness

Mr. Chen married Miss Li two years ago. After marriage, he discovered that his wife, a data clerk, could not do housework at all and had no idea how to manage money. He said his home was like a doghouse, with dust everywhere he touched and dirt everywhere he went. My wife's clothes are always stuffed into the closet and are always wrinkled when she wears them. If she goes to work at 8:30, she must get up at 8:10, then grab a piece of clothing from the closet and put it on, rush to the bathroom to tidy up a bit, put on the dirty shoes she wore yesterday, and hurry out. I never think about what to cook after get off work. I always just make scrambled eggs with tomatoes, stir-fried meat with carrots, and steamed fish. I reminded her that we are no longer single and should consider how to live a good life. I also suggested that she change her lifestyle habits. After hearing me, she either got angry or ignored me. As a result, we have been married for three years and still dare not have children.

Expert comment: Housewife awareness and housewife ability are closely related. Both ultimately involve how women play their family roles well - mainly referring to the roles of wife and mother. There is a saying: "To win your husband's heart, you must first win his stomach." Of course, this statement is too traditional, but it does reveal some truth. The impact of women with poor housekeeping skills on marriage and family life is self-evident. "Being able to be both a lady and a housewife" should be a pursuit for modern women.

Opinion 8: Disclosing privacy at will

What bothers Mr. Yue Li the most is that he has almost no privacy because his wife has a "exhibitionist fetish". Mr. Yue Li and his wife work in the same bank and live in the bank dormitory. A large part of their social circles are the same. This would have been nothing, but he had a wife who liked to "expose her private parts", which often made him very embarrassed. He became impulsive and even thought about divorce.

Mr. Yue Li said that one day not long after he got married, a colleague sitting opposite him in the office suddenly asked him to look at an advertisement for a cure for athlete's foot in the newspaper, saying that his wife had told him that his athlete's foot was very serious. Mr. Yueli felt extremely embarrassed when faced with such concern from his female colleague. Afterwards, he reminded his wife not to tell anyone about what happened at home. Although she agreed, she couldn't control her mouth the next time she met those "close friends". What made Mr. Yue Li even more angry was that his wife even shared their private life with her friends, making him unable to hold his head up in front of others. He was very unhappy with his wife's persistence and the teasing of men and women in his "circle". He said: "What I hope most is that someone can cure my wife's 'exhibition habit', so that we can live happier and more harmoniously."

Expert comment: Family is the most private place and marriage is the most private relationship. Some women do not understand this and like to discuss family "secrets" among their female companions, or even private events that happen between couples, and compare and evaluate each other in order to gain some psychological satisfaction. In fact, this is highly undesirable. It "betrays" not only the husband, but also "betrays" herself and the entire family. People often say that family is a warm harbor. If personal privacy and security cannot be guaranteed, can marriage and family life still be warm?

Opinion 9: Excessive desire to control the husband

Mr. Haihao lamented: It is too hard to live with a wife who has an overly strong desire to control her husband! Mr. Haihao is a wage earner. He hands over all his monthly salary to his wife, and all household expenses are decided by his wife. Mr. Haihao said: "When I need to buy outerwear, underwear, socks and shoes, she has to go personally, and even if I go shopping with her, I have to obey her taste. The pocket money in my pocket is all given by her. She checks how much money I have in my wallet every week and asks me where the money goes. It is generally difficult for a grown man to remember every expense, so I have to "hang" the money that I can't report on the oil for the motorcycle.

Last year I started preparing to start some business, and my social activities increased, and my expenses also increased. Every time I eat out with someone, she asks me who is paying. If I pay, I have to tell her the exact amount. And she also wanted to know who I had dinner with and what we talked about? Maybe out of revenge, after I made my first deal, I secretly kept some of the money and didn't tell her, mainly to escape her control. But she had the ability to find my partner and found out everything. My disaster had come and I had to confess it to her. Later, I told her the truth: I did this because I wanted to get rid of her control and didn't want to be a hindrance in doing things. But she was convinced that I had other intentions. In her opinion: since they are husband and wife and have a child together, the two halves added together become 1, so she must know everything about her other half - including some details. I couldn't accept her theory, nor could I convince her. Our family life was struggling day by day between this kind of "control" and "counter-control".

Expert comment: Excessive desire to control the husband is indeed a "common disease" in modern marriages. There are many reasons for this "symptom": the wife is suspicious due to lack of self-confidence, she worries about everything because she "cares" about her husband, she is always on guard because she is afraid that her husband will "go bad", and so on. If a woman has an excessive desire to control her husband, it is not only her husband who is hurt, but also herself - she is always in a state of anxiety and tension and cannot control herself. There is a saying: "The higher the virtue, the higher the devil." "Control" and "anti-control" will never stop, so why not be a good "husband controller" and let your husband happily become a "free man" and be willing to be within your sight?