Tips for women to hold the last line of defense

Premarital sex is intolerable to the traditional sexual concepts of the Orientals and often causes psychological crises in teenagers, especially girls who are worried about getting pregnant before marriage. How can they know as soon as possible whether they are pregnant? What should they do if they get pregnant before marriage?

Dangerous behavior of women

The so-called sexual liberation that was popular in the United States and Western Europe in the 1960s was to abandon the traditional constraints on sexual desire. It later affected countries around the world and caused difficult to control health and social problems - sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, drug abuse, unmarried or extramarital pregnancy, teenage mothers, psychological and interpersonal difficulties, dropping out of school, unemployment, poverty and crime, etc.

Once anyone has sexual relations with another person, it is as if he or she has sexual relations with all the "sexual chain involved" behind this person. The harm is obvious.

According to research by relevant experts in the United States, sexually active girls aged 12 to 16 may be involved in many dangerous behaviors. The risk comparison between girls who have lost their virginity and those who are still virgins is: 6 times more likely to attempt suicide; 13 times more likely to run away from home; 9 times more likely to be arrested by the police; 5 times more likely to be suspended from school; and 10 times more likely to take drugs.

Although it is easy to understand in theory, many confusions arise when it comes to specific issues. During a psychological consultation hotline call, the author discussed the existing problems with a 16-year-old female technical secondary school student:

If I refuse to have sex, will it make the other person think I am weird or abnormal?

--In fact, it should be the other way around. People who easily engage in sexual activity are weird and abnormal. And you will find that when you learn to refuse sexual relations, you will become a person with delicate thoughts, maturity and stability. When you are able to express your feelings with words and thoughts, rather than just physical touch, it is a stronger sign that the relationship between the two of you has deepened.

--If I fall in love with someone, what's unnatural about being willing to express my love through sexual behavior? I might do it even if I know it may not be a long-term relationship.

--This is a very "fashionable" view, just as some popular songs say: Love is not about lasting forever, it is about possessing it for a moment. If you think about it carefully, this kind of propaganda is actually very harmful. Because "love" is a very strong word, and if it is abused too much, it loses its original meaning. If you say "I love you" to more than one person. When you really want to express that unique love, it is very difficult to find the right words to express that emotion. It is just like speaking in daily life. If a wonderful phrase is misused or abused, its value will be reduced. Therefore, if a young person abuses his or her sex love, it will only make this so-called "love" cheap and mean. This can explain why some young men and women become alienated and break up easily because of sexual relations, because they ignore the attraction generated by boundaries and distances. Moreover, if you easily lose your virginity, you will also lose your self-esteem, self-respect and self-love. How can you expect the other party to give you a higher evaluation?

---Your words are very profound and made me understand the value of boundaries. But sometimes I have a hard time controlling myself. Is it possible that others are not as reckless as I am and are able to control their thoughts?

--Yes, some people can do it better, that is a kind of willpower, but it is equally "not easy" for everyone. Just think about it, when is it easier for a car to brake? Is it at 20 kilometers per hour or 80 kilometers per hour?

To be more specific, under what circumstances is it easier to reject the other party's sexual demands? When you are dressed neatly or when your chest and shoulders are exposed? Therefore, the parties involved should think carefully: if you are determined not to choose "premarital sex", then do not cross that line. You can choose to protect your own environment in terms of time, place, clothing, and dating methods. Especially during the middle school period, it is best not for men and women to date alone. Group and collective activities are better, which can also provide opportunities to get to know the opposite sex.

--However, sometimes you really want to talk to your friends of the opposite sex about your innermost thoughts and don’t want a third party to hear them. This is also when you are most likely to fall in love. So how can you keep yourself rational?

--It's not that you can't talk with each other, but you have to learn to be self-controlled and calm. For example, if you want to talk at home, choose a time when someone is at home and leave the door ajar. If you want to talk outside, choose daytime rather than too late, and go to a relatively quiet but open environment. In short, as long as you think it through in advance and have strong willpower, no one can force you to do anything, and things that shouldn't happen will not happen.

The troubles that will come after marriage

The problems that premarital sex brings to future marriage include: comparing spouse with previous sexual objects, which can lead to a tendency to be unfaithful to spouse; the possibility of contracting sexually transmitted diseases; and greater susceptibility to divorce. In the United States, the rate at which women are abused by their cohabiting boyfriends is 50 times higher than the rate at which they are abused by their husbands.

Sex is a moral issue and illegal sex brings adverse consequences. It involves the present and the future, individuals and society, and regardless of the intentions of the parties involved or their ability to cope with the consequences, it inevitably involves moral choices.

The foundation of a family is a stable marriage, and the glue of marriage is fidelity; if one is unfaithful to his or her spouse, the foundation of the family collapses.

Today, the new trend in the world is moving towards keeping oneself clean. More and more teenagers are openly stating that they are willing to wait until marriage to have sex. In the United States alone, 500,000 young people publicly declare this. They believe that sex will be waiting for you, so why rush? Even if you haven't experienced it before the age of 20: there are at least another 40 or 50 years waiting for you, and if you are willing to wait, you will always meet a spouse who is willing to commit to you and stay with you for the rest of your life. So, the girl asked me to teach her some ways to say no to sex, and I gave her some examples. Here is one of them:

Male: You know, I really need you, let's do it this time, you are in the safe period, you won't get pregnant; if you don't want to, I will find someone else!

Woman: If I say I don't want to, don't force me. If you want to find someone else, that's your own business. As long as you think it's worth it, go ahead and find someone!

M: You don’t know what you’re missing.

Woman: Yes, I know, I could miss AIDS, unmarried pregnancy, abortion and worry and anxiety.

M: I can't control myself, I've wanted to do this for a long time!

Woman: But I don’t want to do that. I can control myself.

M: Many people do this, and most of my friends have had this experience. And I haven’t yet!

Woman: That's why I love you, but we can't do what they do.

M: You can trust me, just this once, I will always be responsible for you!

Woman: I can trust you, if you are responsible for me, don’t put pressure on me.

M: I will always love you, don't you love me anymore?

Woman: Let time prove my love for you. It is precisely because I love you that I should not do this before marriage. I keep my word. If you make this request again in the future, we will break up!

Sometimes, it may also be that girls put sexual pressure on boys

Woman: You don’t dare, because you’re afraid you can’t do it! I doubt if you are a real man?

M: Because I am a real man, I won't rush into it. I don't like to do this kind of thing secretly. Having sex casually does not represent all men. A real man is one who can stand up straight and be able to restrain himself. I know what I should do!

Whether you are a man or a woman, as long as you have the determination and psychological defense, you have the right and the ability to refuse the other party's sexual demands. In this way, you will not become a victim of premarital promiscuity and can remain clean without any hesitation. When you reach the age of love and marriage, you will also experience doubly the value of your own status as a virgin or a virgin.