6 factors that cause married men to be obsessed with extramarital affairs

New China has led people toward prosperity. As people's living conditions are getting better and better, many men seek one-night stands whether for social occasions or for excitement. "The red flag is flying at home, and the colorful flags are fluttering outside" is a description of a man's philandering. The latest survey found that 100% of men do not reject one-night stands outside of marriage.

Do not reject peach blossoms

Suppose an attractive stranger approaches you and says, "I think you're attractive. Would you like to spend the night with me?" If you were a woman, you would be furious and offended; but if you were a man, the situation would be different. In fact, in a similar study, 100% of the women said "no" to this situation, while 75% of the men thought they were lucky in love and the other 25% said "no" only out of consideration for their current partner. This shows that men are indeed much more fickle than women.

Reasons for being unfaithful

Evolutionary psychologists explain why men are more promiscuous than women from the perspective of genetic transmission. It is the same sexual act, but men have almost no input, while women are very likely to be pregnant for nine months. Theoretically, an ancient man with a casual private life could make many women pregnant within a year and give birth to a large number of offspring, but an ancient woman could only give birth to one child in a year no matter how many people she had sex with. Men gain far greater reproductive benefits from short-term sexual behavior than women do, which has led men to evolve a much greater desire for short-term sexual behavior than women.

Stable relationship

However, a man's willingness to enter into a stable relationship does not mean that he is content with "monogamy". In fact, in addition to a stable relationship between the sexes, having some short-term sexual relationships is more conducive to the transmission of genes. Of course, these short-term relationships are not without cost. For example, having multiple sexual partners makes him more likely to contract diseases; his image as a "playboy" will make it difficult for him to find a desirable long-term spouse; and he may be retaliated against by his wife. In other words, he must find a way to make his gains from short-term sexual relationships greater than his costs. To deal with this problem, men have evolved a set of instinctive tendencies that psychologists call short-term mate selection strategies.

Choosing a Spouse

When it comes to choosing short-term mates, men's strategies are completely different. The survey found that when men choose short-term sexual partners, they set lower standards for many criteria such as attractiveness, health, education level, friendliness, and responsibility, and do not require the other party to be loyal. "Avoiding commitment" is the core of their short-term mate selection strategy. Because once there is commitment, a short-term relationship will evolve into a long-term relationship, which is contrary to his wishes.

Research has found that when choosing short-term sexual partners, men are repelled by women who demand commitment. Many sexually experienced men have had this experience: after a one-night stand, their partner’s charm disappears completely, and they want to just leave. This proves to some extent that men have evolved a psychological mechanism to break up quickly after short-term sexual relationships in order to minimize their investment.

Getting into trouble

Comparing with the reality, it is not difficult to find out why women who claim "I don't want anything" can easily win the favor of married "rich men" and quickly start an extramarital affair; and once the woman asks for a commitment, the other party will most likely cut off the emotional ties and return to his wife, because the "rich man" has inherited the short-term mate selection strategy of his ancient ancestors - avoiding commitment to avoid getting into trouble.

This reminds girls who are trapped in the romantic maze of married "rich men" that it is not easy to ask a man to abandon his wife and children, unless you can guarantee that you will never need commitment - this is precisely the Achilles' heel of the female brain. Asking for commitment is the core of the female reproductive strategy. Otherwise, it is better to end it early to avoid being hurt too much.

Of course, men’s long-term and short-term mate selection strategies are just a psychological instinct, but they are not unchangeable. After all, it runs counter to modern civilization. Human rationality can correct instincts, and understanding the formation mechanism of psychological instincts is the first step in correction.

Marriage form

A wife's faithfulness can prevent "bastards". The benefits of casual sex for ancient men were great. Why did humans evolve this form of marriage? There are three main reasons:

First, men who are too casual are not popular with women. An ancient woman obviously prefers a man who is good at hunting and can take care of her and her children for a long time, which is conducive to the transmission of her genes. In order to win the favor of women, men cannot do too much. If they do too much, no one will be willing to have children with him, and the transmission of genes will become a "mirage".

Second, there was no DNA testing technology in ancient times. A stable relationship between the sexes could help men confirm the father-son relationship, avoid raising the wrong child and making "wedding clothes" for others.

Third, living conditions in primitive society were poor, and children without fathers generally did not live long. Even in modern times, in some primitive tribes, if a father dies, the villagers will unanimously vote to kill his children because these children will occupy other people's resources.

From this we can see that if an ancient male only "sowed seeds" and did not care about raising children, it would not be conducive to the transmission of his genes. In fact, a stable relationship between the sexes is the product of the collaboration of the reproductive strategies of both sexes.