Do I no longer need to masturbate if I have a sexual partner?

Most traditional religions - perhaps the vast majority - prohibit masturbation. Why? Because society is a factory of reproduction: sexual propositions must conform to the principle of mating between the sexes. More mating means more children. Human societies have not traditionally worried about overpopulation: they have cared about creating enough people to farm the land, work in factories, and die on battlefields.

Touching oneself is seen as either immature or selfish, or as a sign of shame.

To be legitimate, pleasure must have some utilitarian purpose: establishing an emotional connection, or creating children. Many formerly fashionable, free-spirited people feel that masturbation is not permissible (let alone desirable) once they have a regular sexual partner.

I don't quite understand why people who have freed themselves from the shackles of religious dogma would be affected by this, but whatever the reason, it's time to get over it! Masturbation is the most natural way for a person to relieve tension, overcome loss, and get sexual satisfaction. Just because two people are married, living together, or dating doesn’t make the behavior any less normal or reasonable.

Masturbation is a very different method of obtaining sexual pleasure from sexual intercourse, and it almost completely reflects the happiness of a couple's sexual relationship. On the contrary, any interesting couple will have many ways to enjoy their own bodies and each other's bodies - and a couple who are accepting of each other's masturbation are likely to have a particularly interesting sex life.

If my partner loves me, I don't need to masturbate

Masturbation usually has nothing to do with how much a couple loves each other. Of course, if one partner is resisting the sexual advances of the other, or if two people are emotionally distant, masturbation can reflect a lack of affection. But most of the time, masturbation is just another way to satisfy the common psychological hunger.

Think of it this way: The better the sex, the more people want it. In other words, the better your sex life is, the hornier you and your partner are likely to be. That is, you have an orgasm once, and then you want to have it again (of course, there has to be a reasonable break in between). Extra sexual demands have nothing to do with love; they’re just arousing your appetite.

In most relationships, masturbation has little to do with the emotional connection between the two people. Let me put it another way, if that helps. Think about food. If you eat steak, it doesn't mean you don't like chicken. You can like steak and chicken at the same time. You don't have to wait until the steak is gone before you eat the chicken. Some nights you just might want chicken, and that won't diminish your love for steak. Do you understand?

If our sex life was good enough, my partner wouldn't have to have sex with himself

Even if you have the best sex life ever, sometimes your partner wants some time alone with her hands or a vibrator. Some people still want some alone sex sometimes - he/she can indulge in private fantasies or try some actions that are difficult to do when others are present. This doesn't mean there's something wrong with your sex life together; it just means that sometimes people want a private sex session.

Sometimes people don't want to "have" sex - they just want to have an orgasm. Sex takes too long. For example, Judy always feels sexual desire when she is reviewing for an exam. Her brain was completely out of control unless she had an orgasm. But she very much did not want to interrupt her studies for a long time. She lives with Auggie, and he is happy to accommodate her.

"That would be a huge undertaking," she said. "There would be foreplay, oiling the machine, and chatting afterwards, and frankly, I didn't have time for that. I could just lie on the floor and masturbate, or use a massager, and it would be done in a few minutes. Then I could get back to studying. I really didn't have the time or the ideas at that time. Auggie understood me, and when I closed the door to my study, he respected my choice."

Masturbation is childish, sexual intercourse is the mature form of sex

No more class discrimination. Of course, if everyone wanted to masturbate and stop having sex, our species would be in trouble. But don't worry, it's impossible.

There is no doubt that we all began masturbating before we had sexual intercourse - some babies have been observed rubbing themselves against the sheets in their cribs, enjoying the sensation of doing so. But early sexuality does not equal immature sexuality: it is simply part of the training through which we learn how to feel comfortable.

As long as no one gets hurt, there are no taboos in sex. I've heard some women say that they feel humiliated if their partner masturbates. Why not think of it this way: Your partner is sharing his or her deepest desires and fantasies with you, and inviting you to share in the temptation? Or as Cecil put it, "My partner loves to watch me touch myself. We both find it a turn-on.

I am unable to have a true orgasm during sexual intercourse, although I enjoy it and the excitement of my lover. But this is not a big deal. We didn't climax at the same time, but we both had a reaction when we looked at each other - we became aroused again. These are all making love. I don't understand why people are so particular about having to follow certain rules when doing things. ”

Masturbation is a distancing from sex—it’s a avoidance of intimacy

I don't think there is any necessary connection between masturbation and a decrease in love and intimacy. Sometimes people choose to masturbate because they don't want to be intimate - this is normal as long as they would still be intimate at other times. And then again, why does sex have to be so passionate? We eat together, but we don't insist that it always be romantic. Sometimes eating is functional, and sometimes, so is sex.

You can even imagine that you wouldn't want to have a five-course meal every night, even if you could. Sometimes you just want to grab a sandwich. You don't think anything negative about the sandwich - you just want to devour it in a few big bites. If someone told you that this was immoral, you would laugh.

If you're someone who's always prepared gourmet meals, this might get in the way of your enjoyment of cooking, but you won't have the time or desire to do so for every meal. The point is not what you eat at a particular moment, but the balance of eating habits formed over time.

The same is true for sex. Masturbation is quick and easy, but it does not eliminate the need for intimacy and fantasy-filled erotic interaction with another person. It doesn't become a constant and drive couples apart unless there are some serious problems in their relationship to begin with.

Quite the opposite! In fact, given that it can be difficult for one partner to allow others to see him or her arousal or orgasm, I think masturbation can sometimes be a very intimate act, perhaps even more intimate than intercourse. Allowing your partner to watch how you get aroused is an emotionally vulnerable and sensitive act. To most people, this is still a very sexy act. Is there anything more intimate than this?

Masturbation is a pale imitation of sexual intercourse. Why do some people choose the second best over the best?

Regardless, the facts are there, and no one knows what is the "best". After all, who knows your body best, you or someone else? In fact, many men and women have told me that although they enjoy sex with their partners, when they are about to climax, they actually want to deal with this final blow by themselves, because only they know how to achieve the best climax. So, masturbation is a good thing?

It feels silly to have to make such a conclusion - it's simply because many of you are not sure that masturbation is a good thing. Yet it is good. It's a beautiful part of the sexual experience—whether you're trying it alone or with someone else. It won't threaten the satisfaction of sexual intercourse, and it may be a more desirable way for you to orgasm - but so what?

The pleasure you give yourself is incomparable to the love of a lover (no one has proposed to their own fingers for thousands of years), and it will only bring you closer to each other because you have found another way to bring pleasure to each other.

This kind of sexual exploration creates more than just sexual satisfaction; it can also help create intimacy. The aid of masturbation can sometimes be part of a closer, happier emotional relationship. It is a fallacy, and a destructive fallacy, to think of sex as something that must be done by two people at all times, or that must be accomplished through sexual intercourse. Sex sometimes needs to be private, but most of the time it needs to be done in a playful way. By putting this myth aside, you will learn how to better energize your sex life and be a competent sexual partner.