Having an affair is really a technical job. . . The first one made me burst out laughing!

1. The most "heartwarming" affair

A woman was lying in bed with her lover when she suddenly heard her husband opening the door and entering the room. "Hurry! Stand in that corner and don't move!" The woman quickly rubbed his whole body with baby oil, then sprinkled him with lime powder, and whispered to him, "Stand still, just pretend to be a plaster statue." When her husband entered the room, he pointed to something in the corner: "What is that?" The woman calmly said, "Oh! It's just a plaster statue. There is also one in the Cai family's bedroom. I think it's pretty, so I also got one to display at home." The couple never talked about the plaster statue again until they went to bed. Around 2 a.m., the husband got up and went to the kitchen to eat. When he returned to his room, he held a sandwich and a glass of milk in his hands. He handed them to the plaster statue and said, "Here, have something to eat! Don't be like me, who stood in the Cai family for three days without even a sip of water to drink."

2. The most "funny" affair

Both the husband and the wife have lovers outside and often go out to seek excitement on their own. They rarely spend the night together. One day, they were both at home, feeling a little guilty towards each other, so they were being extra affectionate. Unexpectedly, the two of them slept soundly until the early morning. Suddenly, the wife turned over and sat up, saying loudly in her sleep: "Oh no, my husband is back!" The husband immediately got up, quickly picked up all his clothes, and jumped out of the window...

3. The most "coincidental" affair

A woman secretly had an affair with her lover while her husband was at work. One day when the two were in bed, the woman heard the sound of her husband's car coming back, and she anxiously called her lover: "Hurry up and take your clothes and jump out of the window!" Her lover looked and said: "It's raining heavily outside and you ask me to jump out?" "If my husband catches us two, we will definitely die." The woman shouted. Her lover had no choice but to pick up his clothes and jump out of the window. As a result, he jumped into a group of marathon runners. He had to join the running while holding his clothes. A contestant asked him, "Are you used to running naked?" He gasped and replied, "Yes, it can reduce air resistance." Another contestant asked the naked man, "Do you usually hold your clothes in your hands when running?" He answered a little breathlessly, "Yes, so that I can put on clothes after the race and drive home." The man asked again, "Do you usually wear condoms when running?" The man said, "Only when it rains."

4. The most "expensive" affair

One night, a man walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Please give me a beer." The bartender said, "Okay, one beer, one cent." The customer didn't believe it and shouted, "One cent for a beer?!" The bartender said, "That's right, one cent!" The customer looked at the menu and said, "Can I have a large rib steak, mushrooms, French fries, and two fried eggs?" The bartender said, "Of course, but it's quite expensive." Customer: "How much is it?" The bartender said, "Four cents in total!" Customer: "Where is the owner of this bar?" The bartender said, "Upstairs with my wife!" Customer: "What is he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender said, "Just like what I did to his bar downstairs!"

5. The most “corrupt” affair

A boss drove on a business trip for several days. Unable to bear the loneliness, he went to a nightclub to find a beautiful lady. They had a night of passion and spent a thousand yuan. In order to avoid being questioned by my wife, who was in charge of finance, I wrote a repair receipt with a note: The weather was very hot, the tire burst, and I had to replace it with a new one.

6. The most "puzzling" affair

There was a village by the sea. Most of the men in the village often went out to sea and were away from home for a long time. Almost every woman in the village has an affair, but after the affair they will go to the priest to confess. After a while, the priest suggested to the women: "From now on, we will call adultery 'falling'. Just say 'falling' and I will know it!" Later, the old priest retired. Before he left, he specifically instructed the village chief to tell the new priest the meaning of the word 'falling'. However, after the new priest took office, the village chief forgot to tell the new priest about this. Women still go to the priest to confess, and every day someone tells the priest that they fell down. Because so many people fell, the priest went to the village chief and suggested that he should strengthen road construction to prevent so many people from falling frequently. Unexpectedly, the village chief burst into laughter after hearing this. The priest didn't understand what was going on. Seeing the village chief laughing so happily, he said angrily, "What are you laughing at? The village chief's wife has fallen down three times this week!"

7. The most "unforgettable" affair

A undertaker was working late one night. His job usually involves doing a detailed examination of the dead bodies before sending them for burial or cremation. When he was examining Mr. Wang's body, he was surprised to find that Mr. Wang's thing was the longest and largest he had ever seen in his life. "Mr. Wang, I'm so sorry! I can't just send you to be cremated like this. That special thing of yours must be left for future generations." So the coroner took a scalpel to cut off the thing, wrapped it up, put it in a briefcase and took it home. The first one showed it to his wife: "Wife, I'm going to show you something you won't believe!" He opened the bag and took out the thing. When his wife saw it, she screamed, "Oh my God! Mr. Wang is dead!"

8. The most "unexpected" affair

There was a middle-aged couple who had two very beautiful daughters, but they had always longed to have a son. They finally decided to make one last attempt. After several months of hard work, the woman became pregnant. Nine months later, she gave birth to a healthy little boy. The happy father rushed to the nursery to see his newborn son, but was horrified by what he saw: his son was the ugliest baby he had ever seen. He ran to his wife and told her that he could not possibly be the father of the baby, and asked her fiercely, "Are you cheating on me?" His wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."

9. The most "tragic" affair

Old Zheng was lying on the hospital bed, dying. His wife Xiao Chan was sitting beside the bed, holding his hand, tears streaming down her face, and mumbling prayers. Lao Zheng opened his tired eyes and looked at Xiao Chan. He opened his pale lips and whispered, "Dear Xiao Chan,..." Xiao Chan covered his mouth, "You are tired! Sleep quietly, be good and don't talk!" Lao Zheng said weakly, "But, I have something to confess to you!" "There's nothing to confess! You are tired, you should sleep well!" Xiao Chan said sobbingly. "No! No! No! I must confess. I want to die peacefully. I have slept with your sister, your best friend, and your best friend's friend." Xiao Chan sobbed softly: "I know, this is why I poisoned you!"

10. The most convincing affair

The two women drank in the suburbs until dawn. On the way back, they were in a desperate situation, so they walked into a cemetery on the side of the road. Because she didn't bring toilet paper, the first woman took off her underwear and wiped herself, then threw away the underwear. The second woman found a wreath nearby, so she tore off the elegiac couplet and wiped it. Not long after the two women returned home, their husbands called each other. "It seems we have to be careful. There must be something going on between the two of them last night. I found my wife was not wearing any underwear when she came back!", "It's even worse. I found a note stuck on my wife's butt. It said: 'I will never forget you'!"