Does the private life of the bed need this "light"?

Men and women have very different sexual psychology, and "matters of sex" also reflect the truth that "men are from Mars, women are from Venus"

Whether or not to turn on the lights during sex is not the key issue. If men can give enough appreciation and praise to their partner's body, it will make women more actively participate in the pleasure of sex.

Both men and women should understand each other's sexual needs and rhythm, find a balance, and make appropriate concessions.

Medical advisor/Zhang Bin, Director of the Department of Infertility and Sexual Medicine, the Third Affiliated Hospital of Sun Yat-sen University

Do it with the lights on or off? Talk or work hard? Take it step by step or go straight to the point? Use one trick or innovate frequently... Men and women often have huge differences when it comes to sex life. What men don't know is that behind every detail are the different little thoughts of women and men. The slightest mistake may make the other party unhappy or even give up halfway.

The reporter selected several major "bed controversies" and interviewed Zhang Bin, director of the Department of Infertility and Sexual Medicine of the Third Affiliated Hospital of Sun Yat-sen University. In the eyes of sexual medicine experts, "matters in bed" actually also reflect the truth that "men are from Mars, women are from Venus".

Turn on the lights controversy

Visual impact vs. concealing defects

Why do most men like to have sex with the lights on or even during the day, while many women are "afraid of the light" and insist on turning off the lights and having sex in the dark? There are actually two completely different psychological reasons behind this.

"Visual impact is an indispensable condition for increasing men's excitement during sexual intercourse. Many women think that it doesn't matter whether the lights are on or off, but men don't think so." Zhang Bin introduced that being able to appreciate each other's bodies and observe each other's expressions when being "frank" is a great enjoyment for men, which is why many men like to have sex under lights.

Why do many women dislike having sex with the lights on? Experts believe that, aside from the shyness in the initial stage, the bigger "secret" is that women are afraid of exposing their body flaws. "In fact, when in bed, women care more about whether their body shape and expression are perfect than men. So for safety reasons, turning off the lights is the most worry-free."

Zhang Bin said: "Just as women should not tease men about their sexual abilities, men should never advise their partners to lose weight in bed or tease them as the 'Princess Taiping'. These may seem like two completely different language jokes, but they are very devastating to both men and women."

It turns out that no matter how beautiful a woman is, in her subconscious mind, she will always feel inferior when certain parts of her body are exposed. Once the lights are turned on and the couple has sex, women are more likely to be "anxious" and focus on covering up their physical flaws, such as skin that is not white enough or body that is not well-proportioned, which affects their sense of satisfaction.

Expert advice:

"In fact, whether to turn on the lights or not is not the key to the problem. If men can give enough appreciation and praise to their partner's body, women will gradually relax and be able to participate more actively in sexual intercourse," said Zhang Bin.

Communication disputes

Concentration vs. emotional climax

"You're a cow! You just work hard and never talk to me, so boring!" "I'm talking to you, why are you ignoring me!"... On this side, the woman hopes to hear words of pampering, praise or inquiry, while on the other side, the man pretends to be stupid for some reason and hardly speaks during the whole sexual intercourse. Even if he answers, it is only two or three simple words.

"This phenomenon is very interesting, because it is a natural choice made by everyone based on the different sexual psychology of men and women. Of course, it is not ruled out that a small number of men like to interact and ask each other, but more men may tend to 'just do it and don't say'." Zhang Bin introduced that men are usually more active during sexual intercourse, and because they have clear physiological reactions, their goals are more focused and single, that is, to get pleasure and reach orgasm through sexual activities; while women need more emotional climax to help physiological excitement, and women are naturally "soft-hearted", so lingering love words are particularly important at this time. Zhang Bin said that women should also understand that the reason why men are reluctant to chat at this stage is actually because if they are distracted a little, it is likely to cause weakness in key parts and may also hinder the acquisition of "stimulation". Therefore, full commitment and "achieving success in one battle" is the subconscious common choice of many men.

Expert advice:

Zhang Bin suggested that both men and women should understand more about each other's sexual needs and rhythm, find a balance, and make appropriate concessions, the so-called "know yourself and know your enemy, and you will win every battle." In addition, individual differences do exist, and we cannot simply force others to talk more or keep silent. "But no matter what, if you really love each other, you should express it when you are in a sweet mood. If you don't express it now, do you have to express it during meals?" Zhang Bin believes that Chinese men should pay more attention to this.

Innovation Controversy

Agree does not mean satisfaction

Men are always brave enough to innovate. Many men are eager to try and share their recent learnings with their loved ones. This starting point seems to be a "win-win" situation, but the reality is often cruel. What they don't expect is that the new ideas they put forward may be met with contempt, questioning, dissatisfaction or even rejection from their partners.

Why is she always unwilling to try? Why does she still look sour even if she tries? What is the problem?

"First of all, if women are not very active in cooperating with innovation, men should reflect on whether they have overlooked something or not done well enough in some areas. That's for sure." Zhang Bin said that this poor performance may be in bed or outside the bed, because women are likely to bring the unhappiness in daily life into their negative resistance to sexual life. If it comes from the bed, it may be that the woman has suppressed her desire before or is dissatisfied with certain methods but has never said it out loud. When the man has further new requests, the woman will refuse.

Zhang Bin said that many men are rather careless in their relationships with their spouses, but when it comes to sex, they just do it whenever they feel like it, ignoring the fact that their partners may be exhausted or unwell at this time. If you make innovative requests at this time, it will only make women feel disgusted and feel that he doesn't care about them at all and only cares about their own desires.

"Behind your partner's boredom in sex, you are also inevitably responsible." Zhang Bin said that Chinese women are usually too shy to express their true thoughts on many details of sex, so they always reluctantly agree to certain behaviors, but agreement does not mean satisfaction. If the man makes further requests, he will be flatly rejected.

Expert advice:

Zhang Bin suggested that men should not be "sexually excited" unilaterally, but should learn to observe the words and expressions of their partners and make appropriate sexual requests when their partners are in good mental and physical condition. They should also inspire their partners to tell them what they do well and what they do not do well in their sex life, so that they can continuously improve and have a positive interaction.