Why do men always say that a wife is not as good as a concubine, and a concubine is not as good as a secret lover?

The techniques used by ancient men to have affairs have some modern traces. It turns out that modern men's ways of having affairs were taught by ancient people. It is said that women don’t love men who are not bad. In order to win women’s love, men can only become bad. In this sense, modern men's extramarital affairs are inheriting the tradition of their ancestors.

In theory, men in ancient times had a high social status, could have three wives and four concubines at home, and could go to brothels when they went out, so they should not feel oppressed about sexual issues. However, human desires are endless, especially when it comes to women, men never seem to feel satisfied. Maybe it’s because domestic flowers are not as fragrant as wild flowers, your own children are always better, and someone else’s wife is always better. No wonder those famous emperors had thousands of concubines in their harems and searched for beauties everywhere; no wonder there is a folk legend that Tang Bohu had eight beautiful wives at home and he also pestered Qiuxiang; no wonder there was a line of lyrics that was once popular on the Internet: Don’t pick wild flowers by the roadside? It’s a waste not to pick.

According to historical records, in February of the third year of Zhenguan in the Tang Dynasty, Minister Du Ruhui was promoted to Shangshu You Pushe, and jointly took charge of the government with Fang Xuanling. Because the task of selecting officials was extremely complicated and required continuous duty, Emperor Taizong Li Shimin, out of consideration for the hard work, sent two palace maids to serve. At this time, Du Ruhui was 45 years old, in good health and full of energy. He naturally accepted the emperor's gifts and was so happy that he didn't miss home for two months. This matter was actually known to his wife. As to who leaked the secret, the author has no idea as it is not mentioned in the book. A family storm thus arose, and his wife scolded him for being heartless and forgetting the old one after finding the new one. However, Du Ruhui argued: The emperor arranged it, how could I refuse? If you want to have a quarrel, go find the emperor. Isn't this nonsense? How dare his wife go to the emperor? The matter was left unresolved. It reminds me of the same excuses men nowadays will give when they have affairs, such as accompanying their boss for entertainment, or being invited by clients, and so on.

During the reign of Emperor Gaozong of the Tang Dynasty, an interesting story happened: Princess Hejing (daughter of Li Yuanji)'s husband was called Xue Yuanchao. Because he was studious and good at writing, he participated in the compilation of "Book of Jin", so he made a group of literary friends. Unavoidably, they often had social activities such as singing poems and composing poems, and Princess Hejing had many complaints about this.

In the fifth year of Yonghui (654), he was appointed governor of Raozhou and left the capital. He had more social engagements and maintained relationships with many singing girls. Princess Hejing was no pushover either. She was just jealous. After all, she was Li Shimin's niece and Emperor Gaozong Li Zhi's cousin. She sent someone back to Beijing to complain to the emperor.

Soon, Li Zhi issued an edict to question Xue Yuanchao, asking him why he let Princess Hejing suffer injustice? Xue Yuanchao replied: Your Majesty, it's all because of the alcohol. I'm planning to quit drinking. Just wait and see! Blaming the affair on drinking is a good excuse because alcohol can lead to promiscuity. Such excuses are very common for modern men to have extramarital affairs. There are many articles like "having sex after drinking, and confidant becoming sexual partner".

The Song Dynasty was an era that produced many "Hedong Lions". Readers who are familiar with Chen Jichang's life may remember his excuse at the time: to spice up his life. Why do you say that? Chen Jichang's group of friends are all intellectuals. When intellectuals get together, the main thing they do is drink, chat, and recite poetry and couplets. After a long time, it becomes extremely boring and they need singing girls and dancers to liven up the fun. Su Dongpo had experienced the power of the "Hedong Lion" and advised Chen Jichang, "Forget it. If your sister-in-law hears it, she will be angry with you." Chen Ji often said that it was okay, she would only make trouble for a while and it would be fine after that, so don't bother with her.

The Hedong Lion in the 79th chapter of A Dream of Red Mansions, titled "Xue Wenlong Regrets Marrying the Hedong Lion, Jia Yingchun Mistakenly Marries the Zhongshan Wolf", refers to Xue Pan's new wife Xia Jingui. Xue Pan is a guy who is never satisfied. He not only has affairs with women, but also with men. His excuse is to spice up his life: he needs stimulation all the time, otherwise he seems unable to survive. According to Zhao Yan's statistics, the excuse of spiceing up life is often used by men nowadays. They are tired from work and under a lot of pressure, so they find a woman to spice up their lives and have a secret affair. As for the wife making a fuss, just let her be. It won't cause a big trouble anyway.

During the reign of Emperor Xiaozong of the Southern Song Dynasty, a minor official in Jiujiang, Jiangxi Province, kept a mistress behind his wife's back. It happened that Emperor Xiaozong was vigorously rectifying the administration of officials at that time, so a gossiper reported the matter, saying that this official was violating the teachings of the sages and going against the emperor. This crime can be serious or minor. Keeping a concubine is not a serious crime, but resisting the emperor is no joke and may result in beheading. The minor official quickly ran to the government office to surrender himself, saying that he was confused for a moment and had been bewitched by beauty. He believed that women were the source of trouble and that it was all caused by beautiful women. Later, the prefect reported the matter truthfully, and the official in charge of discipline put forward an opinion: immediately fine him one year's salary and retain him to see the results. Does this look familiar to you? Nowadays, being attracted by beauty is the most normal excuse.

Another excuse for having an affair is to get revenge on your wife. Jia Lian in "Dream of Red Mansions" married concubines, kept mistresses, and had sex with servants. He did almost everything. Although Wang Xifeng was often jealous, she did not dare to blame him openly and could only complain from time to time. Jia Lian’s answer was, you’re still blaming me. I asked you to change your position yesterday but you refused. It’s so boring. What I mean is that there are plenty of people out there who are willing to do what you, Wang Xifeng, are unwilling to do, so I can only have an affair out there. As for responsibility, I'm sorry, it belongs to whomever it belongs.

Coincidentally, a story similar to Jia Lian actually happened in the Ming Dynasty. During the Hongwu period, villagers in a county in Henan sued the scholar Zhang Shuchen for suspected immorality on the grounds that Emperor Zhu Yuanzhang had issued an order strictly prohibiting scholars with official titles from visiting prostitutes, but Zhang Shuchen often visited brothels, which was a crime committed in defiance of the order. In court, Zhang Shuchen counter-accused his wife of adultery and that he had no choice but to associate with the prostitute, also out of revenge. Such examples seem to be uncommon in modern times. If you are not righteous, don't blame me for being heartless. If the wife cheats, the husband will also cheat. If we all cheat together, it will be fun.

There is a folk saying: A wife is not as good as a concubine, a concubine is not as good as a secret lover, and secret lover is not as good as not being able to steal. Judging from various stories about extramarital affairs, losers are the majority, and this has been the case since ancient times. Very few people are lucky enough to escape unscathed, while the unlucky ones will be left with psychological trauma. Most modern men who have affairs are influenced by ancient people. For example, some people like to have affairs on weekends, some people like to have affairs in the early morning, some people like to have affairs during working hours, and so on. The shadows of the ancients can be found in all of them. From the affair place