Age differences between men and women lead to happier marriages

Recently, a survey conducted by European scientists showed that age is a key factor affecting the stability of marriage. Dr. Emmanuel Frannier of the University of Bath in the UK conducted a follow-up survey on 1,534 couples. The results showed that the best couple model that can strongly maintain a marriage is that both men and women have received higher education and have no history of divorce, and the man is more than 5 years older than the woman. Researchers say that a wife who is more than five years younger than her husband is the age combination least likely to cause conflicts, and their divorce rate is 1/6 of that of other marriages.

In addition, a study by the University of Vienna found that if the husband is 4-6 years older than the wife, they will have the most children; and if the husband is 15 years older than the wife, although the number of children they have is small, their marriage life is the happiest.

Wang Guorong, a well-known domestic marriage and love therapy expert, agreed with this. Wang Guorong said that the three major happy points of this type of marriage have become the pillars of family stability. The first happiness point is to satisfy women’s “trinity” desire. Usually, the prince charming that women dream of has the maturity of a father, the care of an elder brother, and the vitality of a friend. The husband is older, more mature psychologically, and more comfortable in giving affection.

The second happy point is that older husbands usually have a certain economic foundation, which reduces the chances of disputes due to finances. The third happiness point is less competition in the family. When the husband is older, the woman will naturally develop a sense of dependence and obedience, which will reduce the competition for power between the couple and reduce friction.

When it comes to the disadvantages of this type of marriage, Zheng Xifu, a professor of psychology at South China Normal University, believes that, generally speaking, the average life expectancy of men is shorter than that of women. If the husband is much older than his wife, it is likely that the husband will eventually pass away, leaving the wife alone.

A woman who is older than a man is also happy

As the saying goes, "A woman three years older than a man's husband is as good as a golden brick." In ancient my country, there was often a phenomenon of older wives and younger husbands. Nowadays, sister-brother love is still an indispensable landscape on the marriage and love map.

Wang Guorong said that in fact, some families with sister-brother relationships are also very happy. Although some men are young, they are very mature mentally, and although their wives are older, their mental age is still like that of a young girl. Psychologically speaking, this kind of family is similar to the family model where the man is older than the woman.

In other sister-brother families, the husbands have similar temperamental traits, that is, the men are not very independent and want to continue to find the feeling of being cared for by their mothers. For such families, there are often some disadvantages. First, both physically and psychologically, women age faster while men are still in their prime, which can easily make the family unstable. Secondly, age has social significance. In the conventional social evaluation, sister-brother relationships are likely to cause misunderstanding and criticism, or denigrate men as "unmanly", or say that women are "old cows eating young grass", etc. These external comments will also have an impact on the family walls to a certain extent.

Men and women of the same age can communicate well

US President Obama, 49, and his wife Michelle are three years apart in age. Their 17 years of happy marriage are enough to classify them as an "ideal couple." Yue Xiaodong, associate professor at the Department of Social Sciences at the Chinese University of Hong Kong, believes that same-age love does not mean the same age as we understand it in the narrow sense, but rather that both parties are of similar age and basically belong to the same generation. Wang Guorong pointed out that boys and girls of the same age means that the male and female are the same age or the male is less than 3 years older than the female. It can be said that in the minds of modern people, this marriage model is undoubtedly the most ideal.

Yue Xiaodong proposed that the basis of same-age love lies in the psychological and physiological coordination of the two lovers. This kind of marriage is the most sustainable and has six major benefits. First, it is easy to establish intimate relationships. Second, the interactions are frequent. The third is synchronous growth. Fourth, the demands are consistent. Fifth, support from relatives and friends. Sixth, equality and confidence. In short, lovers of the same age have similar social experiences and tend to be of one mind when encountering life problems. Long-term adjustment will make both parties think in the same direction, have a tacit understanding, and form a common cognitive model.

"Although there are many advantages to men and women being of the same age, some problems may also arise precisely because of equality." Wang Guorong said that couples of the same age are prone to competition for rights because they are too concerned about equality, and may often fight over "who has the final say."

The more similar the personalities, the more affectionate they are.

"The above three marriage models all have their advantages and disadvantages. Age does play an important role in marriage, but it is not age that really determines whether the marriage is stable or not," said Wang Guorong. First of all, the word "love" in English is compressed from a Latin sentence, which means "love is a lasting concern for the life of another."

Wang Guorong pointed out that this reveals the true meaning of love between husband and wife, which is to love only the partner himself, rather than focusing on external conditions, which is what we often say, "height is not a problem, age is not a problem, appearance is not a problem." The fewer external conditions are required, the more stable the love will be.

Secondly, research shows that the more similar the personalities are, the more stable the love is. Wang Guorong said that what people often refer to as complementarity between husband and wife means that one person wants to have something but does not have it, while the spouse has it. This is a kind of appreciation rather than a difference in personality.

Finally, there must be identity. First, after marriage, one should have the concept of becoming one with the other person; second, the educational level and life values ​​should be similar. These are the internal factors that determine whether a marriage is stable or not.