What is the “pressure of being a great person”?

If the women of the previous generation all felt pressure to be virtuous and obedient, then I feel that women of this generation all feel pressure to be "great". What is "big pressure"?

For example, when you see your boyfriend laughing and joking with other girls, you feel jealous, but you still have to tell yourself that "a generous woman will not be suspicious, and there is pure friendship between men and women";

For example, your boyfriend always ignores you when he is busy with his own things. You are obviously a little unhappy, but you still tell yourself that "a generous woman will not be petty, and everyone should have their own space." Why do women push themselves like this?

Because on TV, in books... everywhere, they emphasize to you that men don't like narrow-minded women. And there are many girls who seem to be happy in their relationships and have a way of controlling their husbands, who will tell you with a look of superiority, "I know how to give men freedom, so men love me to death, so none of your problems will happen to me". So, imperceptibly, you begin to force yourself to learn that set of skills, to be generous, independent, and rational.

If you can learn it, that's great, congratulations, and may heaven and earth congratulate you. But what if you are not cut out for it and can’t learn it no matter what?

I once heard a saying that there is an area in the human brain that is responsible for dealing with stress and adapting to turbulent changes, and that each person's ability to operate this area varies from person to person. If this is true, then how rational people can be in their relationships may be due to innate physiological differences in addition to acquired character development. I don’t know whether this statement is correct or not, but what I want to say is that love is not a test of rationality. Even if you are not very good at being “big”, you must be outstanding in other aspects. So why force yourself to do something you are not good at? It’s like a person who faints at the sight of blood insists on studying medicine just because everyone tells you that being a doctor is more profitable. Being a doctor is very profitable, but you just don’t have the ability to make money from this, right?

Everyone knows how to use analogies and metaphors, but it is very difficult to admit that you are "incompetent". I often feel that the atmosphere of this era that emphasizes "women should be rational" has become a kind of mass pressure. The good intentions of encouraging women to be rational and independent have become a disguised form of discrimination that marginalizes emotional girls. It is this kind of pressure that makes women feel that "if I am not ambitious enough, men will not love me, and I deserve not to be happy." As a result, many women are unable to recognize themselves and cannot admit that they are petty women with small minds.

I don't think all men in the world like generous and magnanimous women. At least, I have heard many male friends say that they like the same kind of women: chatterboxes, clingy, but good at acting coquettish and cute. If they are asked to call and report their whereabouts, basically as long as the woman "says nicely", they are willing to do it.

Now here comes the point, what does it mean to speak well?

If a woman directly says in a coquettish manner, "I just have a small nose, small eyes and a small mind. I just want you to call me when you get home. If you call me, I will be very happy and give you a kiss", many men will roll their eyes helplessly and say, "Okay, okay, you are so childish", but in fact they are secretly so happy that they turn over.

However, many women have been brainwashed by the dogmas of "women should be rational" and "women should be independent". They are too accustomed to wearing the mask of "rational and shrewd attitude towards love", but have forgotten their true selves and lost the ability to directly express their true feelings.

Then you will say "I don't mean to quarrel with you, ...";

So you will say "I'm not being unreasonable, it's just...";

So you will say, "I'm not the kind of woman who likes to check on her. I'm OK if you don't call me to check in. I just think that if a man really loves a woman, he should know how to make her feel at ease..." Not to mention the man, even the bystanders will be confused. Since you said it's OK not to check in, what are the long list of complaints behind it?

A woman caught in this situation may think that saying this sounds more tactful and rational, and that she is not forcing the man to report it but is just trying to make sense. However, if you understand these words from a bystander's perspective, you will understand that the attitude and logic of this kind of speaking can only be described by the five words "what a fake and thoughtful". Not only is she not independent and rational at all, even the cute and coquettish charm of a little woman when she is emotional has disappeared completely.

Everyone has their own preferences, and love is definitely a matter of personal taste. I believe that independent women and emotionally dependent women definitely have their own strengths and markets.

However, if you are really not good at being rational, then don’t force yourself to pretend to be rational, and don’t turn yourself into a "two-faced" person. If you do that, you will be returned after the passionate love appreciation period has passed.