Symptoms of long-term lack of love

A set of census data shows that the number of single men and women in Beijing and Shanghai has now exceeded one million. In 1990, the number of single people aged 30 to 50 in Beijing was about 100,000. Relevant experts point out that China's third wave of singleness is coming. Relevant data show that in 2005, the number of single people aged 30 to 50 in Beijing reached 500,000, with a male to female ratio of 6:4. A survey in Shanghai also showed that 82% of urban women hold the idea of ​​celibacy, and among women with college education or above, this proportion reaches nearly 90%. In Guangdong, the proportion of leftover men and women is also increasing.

Some sociologists said that provinces and cities such as Guangdong, Beijing, Shanghai and Wuhan have simultaneously experienced the fourth wave of singleness.

Relevant experts believe that being single is just a way of life and will not necessarily cause problems. However, for those who passively choose to be single, they want to start a family but society cannot provide it for various reasons. This may lead to anxiety, worry, or even depression. In short, long-term single life may have certain negative effects on people's psychology.

Symptom 1: Losing confidence

Mr. Yang, 34 years old, PhD, senior employee of a foreign company, has been trying hard to find his partner since he passed the postdoctoral exam. He has met many and has high requirements for height and the woman's job. But often he likes others, but others don't like him. The girl thought he could consider it, but he felt that she didn't meet his requirements.

Mr. Yang regards marriage as part of his success, so the issue of marriage and love has become a particularly heavy burden for him. His friends and family have become more and more sensitive to this issue. It is not right to ask him, and it is not right not to ask him. Asking him will make him annoyed, and not asking him will make him feel that he is not cared about. In order to relieve stress, Mr. Yang developed some unhealthy living habits. He often suffers from insomnia, and recently he feels that he is losing some hair, which has also affected his work energy to a certain extent.

Psychological counselors say that some passive singles may become insecure and self-denying if they remain single for a long time. Some people may even be too lazy to do their daily makeup and dressing.

Symptom 2: Decreased communication skills

Ms. Tao, 30 years old this year, is very busy at work and has never had time to fall in love. Her parents have introduced several candidates to her, but all the relationships ended in failure because they were too busy. Ms. Tao's lifelong problems became the focus of her family's attention and she was blamed by her family. This stress caused many physical reactions, and she was particularly prone to illness during holidays. This Christmas, her classmates and friends all made plans to go out and play, but Ms. Tao stayed at home alone. She suddenly developed a fever and felt very depressed. When others suggested that she go for psychological counseling, she said she could handle it and it was no problem. Now Ms. Tao's mother has depression and needs medication. Ms. Tao doesn’t even want to go home now. “When my mother went crazy, it was really scary. I felt like I couldn’t stay at home anymore.”

Experts say that long-term single life may cause passive singles to isolate themselves due to inferiority complex and be unwilling to interact with others, but this will affect their interpersonal skills, and in the long run, it will form a vicious circle.

Symptom 3: Psychological imbalance

Mr. Xiang is 38 years old, but he has poor self-care ability because his mother takes care of him very meticulously and controls him a lot. Mr. Xiang has unrealistic hopes for marriage, but his personality is immature, his thoughts are relatively simple, and his interpersonal skills are poor. His long-term single life has made him prone to depression to a certain extent. He has sought psychological counseling and taken antidepressants. When he is under pressure, he will talk to himself and loudly scold others in the mirror.

Experts say that their classmates and colleagues have all started to get married and have children, while they are still wandering alone without a family of their own, which is a pressure in itself. In addition, they have to bear a lot of pressure from the outside world, and because these pressures come from the outside world, they cannot control them, and these external pressures prevent them from truly focusing on their own needs. Not getting married is no longer their personal matter, but sometimes becomes a shame to the family, a lack of filial piety to parents, and a burden to relatives and friends. There is no way to relieve such pressure, and success in work and career cannot reduce the attention of parents or their closest people to this issue. Over time, they are prone to insomnia, anxiety, depression, etc.

Symptom 4: Lack of responsibility

Mr. Lin is 33 years old and is a project manager at an IT company. He had a girlfriend during college and they were in love for four years. Just when Mr. Lin was about to propose to his girlfriend, his girlfriend told him that she had fallen in love with someone else. Mr. Lin suffered a great blow from this and even thought about death.

From then on, Mr. Lin lost confidence in love and marriage, and started dating different girls with an attitude of playing with life. In his own words, love and marriage have no meaning to him now.

Some experts point out that today's singles have long left their families with their parents as the main body and have not been able to enter a new family with their partner for a long time. Therefore, they are prone to lack of responsibility and unwillingness to assume relative social responsibilities. Some people choose to be single in the name of a noble cause, most likely because they are afraid of taking responsibility. The other extreme of not having to take responsibility is a lack of restraint.

Expert advice

Self-acceptance is the best way to adjust your mental state. Singles who are experiencing psychological anxiety should try to surround themselves with a comfortable environment as much as possible. For example, when decorating the room, try to create a soft feeling by using soft colors or items that are soft to the touch. Because soft colors can calm people down, and soft things can make people feel safe. At the same time, you can chat with some of your favorite friends. Gradually develop your communication skills.

And you can try to change your living environment and your image. For example, changing your hairstyle can sometimes easily change a person's mood; changing the route you take when going home from get off work may lead you to discover many interesting things around you; you can travel during holidays and communicate with different people during the trip. "The key is to start with what you can do around you."