The stronger the man, the better he will control this time.

Men's anxiety when facing sexual temptation makes it easy for them to be very eager to reach orgasm at the beginning of sex and ejaculate very early! Early ejaculation not only prevents you from enjoying the sexual process together, but also makes your partner feel that you are not sexually capable. Therefore, how to effectively control your ejaculation time is a bed skill that every man must learn!

Gender

"I've had dozens of women, but it's only now that I realize I've always ejaculated too quickly. I didn't realize it before and thought what I was doing was normal. I feel sorry for all the women I've been with so quickly."

--Male, 26 years old

"Being in better control is something I treasure. It makes sex more pleasurable and it makes a huge difference in how I feel about myself, not just sexually but in all aspects of my life."

--Male, 37 years old

Lack of ejaculation control is perhaps the most common problem men have when having sex. What constitutes a lack of ejaculation control?

Lack of ejaculation control occurs when men ejaculate sooner than they or their partner would like during intercourse, giving rise to terms such as "premature ejaculation" and "rapid ejaculation." Although the complaint is often about timing—for example, he orgasms within 30 seconds of intercourse—the real problem is not timing but voluntary control over the ejaculation process. Men have little decision-making or influence over the timing of ejaculation. What comes comes, usually quickly, and often seems to go against the grain.

An estimated one-third of American men have trouble controlling their ejaculation, which translates into millions of men. Although the disorder generally affects younger men and often improves with age, some men in their forties, fifties, and even older still have the disorder. I once treated a man who had no control over his ejaculation throughout his life and still had this problem even in his seventies. I hope you won't wait as long as he did to improve your ejaculation control.

What is ejaculation control?

Ejaculation is a reflex and cannot be completely controlled, however a man who has the ability to control ejaculation can achieve high levels of sexual arousal from oral sex, masturbation, or intercourse without orgasm, and he is usually able to choose when to ejaculate. He can allow his arousal to rise to a high level and then subside more or less until he wants to ejaculate, following a gently rising curve. But don't take the term "fade" too literally; in reality, a man's arousal levels fluctuate, rising and falling with his desires and what's going on until he climaxes. He can also decide to ejaculate faster if it suits him.

In contrast, men who cannot control their ejaculation often experience a rapid rise from zero arousal to orgasm without any subsidence in between. He had to cum quickly, he had no choice. He cannot enjoy the pleasure brought by high sexual arousal for long. He may try to reduce his excitement by some method - one popular method is to think about other things - but the effects are either poor or not always effective. And his partner is always in a dilemma. She was afraid to stimulate him because it would make him ejaculate right away. She was also afraid of becoming aroused during intercourse because it might end before she was fully satisfied. If she is capable of orgasming during intercourse, she will first try desperately, usually in vain, to climax before he comes. After repeated failures, she may no longer be excited. What was the point of getting excited, she would think, if all it did was to be turned on and then left cold? Even if she managed to orgasm before he came, it was rushed through in anxiety and often seemed like more trouble than gain.

Lack of ejaculation control is not something to be feared, as sex therapists have been very successful in addressing this disorder. According to many studies and clinical practices, 80% to 90% of men improve their ejaculation control through treatment, provided they are willing to invest the necessary time and effort. Ejaculation control is a skill or habit that can be learned in 8 to 20 weeks by following the exercises in this chapter.

Many men who lack good ejaculation control have fantasies. Some say, "I want to have sex for an hour - no, two or three hours - before I ejaculate. I think it will feel great, and my wife will love me for it." It is easy to understand why men who usually do not have more than one or two minutes of intercourse fantasize about the effects of prolonged intercourse. But, as always, it’s important not to get carried away by fantasy. I have treated men who have had intercourse lasting up to an hour, or even longer, and they were not happy either. Their problem is that no matter how long they thrust, they cannot ejaculate inside a woman. Their usual thirty, forty, or sixty-minute intercourse really didn't feel great at all.

You might think their partners would be overjoyed by this, but the reality is different. Their partners complain of endless thrusting, pounding, vaginal pain, and a feeling of incompleteness because intercourse seems to go on forever but the man never finishes in the "normal way." One single woman who has experienced this type of man put it this way: "It's really not fun at all. My spine has been pressed against the carpet for so long that it has left a row of coin-sized marks on my back." Of course, the problem is dramatically exacerbated if the couple is trying to conceive. Fortunately, this disorder, which sex therapists call "delayed ejaculation," is less common than ejaculating too quickly. One of the reasons I'm lucky is that premature ejaculation is much easier to treat.

Lack of ejaculation control can manifest in a variety of ways. Some men are unable to control ejaculation no matter what sexual activity they engage in. They ejaculate just as quickly when masturbating as when stimulated by their partner. Other people have no problem masturbating, but it’s a different story when you’re with a partner. More people are normal except for sexual intercourse. There is another difference. Most men who lack ejaculation control have this problem for life, while some men once had control but no longer have the same strength as before. Most men who lack ejaculation control do not also have erectile dysfunction, but some men have both: difficulty getting an erection and ejaculating too quickly. Since many exercises to improve ejaculation require an erection, men with either disorder should not try to control ejaculation but instead address erection problems first. Solve the urgent problems first.

Generally speaking, men who cannot control ejaculation simply fail to make the necessary behavioral adjustments to maintain high levels of sexual arousal in the event of a future orgasm. This may be because these men are not focusing on their feelings and therefore are unable to take appropriate action; it may be because they do not know when to adjust their behavior; or because they do not know what adjustments to make.

The benefits of being able to control ejaculation are many. Better control means sex, especially intercourse, lasts longer and is generally more pleasurable. Men who can control their ejaculation are more confident and feel better about themselves in love, and their partners appreciate this, too. At the same time, many men reported that their orgasms felt better: they described them as "fuller" or "more complete."

But it's important not to confuse controlling ejaculation with a woman's ability to have a vaginal orgasm (an orgasm achieved through sexual intercourse alone without simultaneous clitoral stimulation). Of course, some women have this type of orgasm. If your partner is this type, she may be able to orgasm again if you can prolong the intercourse. But the clear conclusion of many surveys is that many women, perhaps most, do not orgasm in this way.

Improving ejaculation control requires learning two new skills. One is the ability to pay more attention to your feelings, such as arousal and tension, and the other is the ability to change your behavior to prevent or delay ejaculation.

Let's elaborate on what ejaculation control is. The period from the time the penis is stimulated to the moment when ejaculation inevitably occurs is called the control zone, because it is during this period that a man can make behavioral changes to influence the timing of ejaculation.

While you or your partner are stimulating your penis, you need to do two things - pay attention to your own arousal/sexual tension levels and stop the action or do something else to maintain ejaculation control. By repeating this process over and over again, you will learn more about your zone of control and expand it. This way, you will be able to master ejaculation control.